S3E2 - Kevin Quits

October 18 Cappy’s, Buns, and Bow Ties

The band gets a rude awakening when Lee sees that the band’s name on the Cappy’s marquee for October 18 and 19. The band was practicing for the following week (the 25th). We work with the owner, and he ends up putting us on after a Male review called “California Hunks” (from Columbus Ohio). The band waits in the back as men are not allowed in the bar as a group of 70 or so women fondle and paw at the loincloth-wearing pieces of meat. Dave starts off the night on stage with his Ted Nugent imitation, “Mercy mercy, I’ve died and gone to heaven, I’m playin’ to a bar full of horny woman.” This evokes a “Dave!?” from Kevin.

The women were sloshed. We were even joined on stage by a drunken wench that the band affectionately referred to as Bambi. She had brown hair and weighed about 45 pounds. As she jumped up on stage and began to wiggle and jiggle, John gave her a “bump” and shot-putted her halfway across the stage. Dave joined John in using Bambi as a human ping pong ball. During Bubba Hyde, Dave was doing the famous James Brown arrangement. He went out and “bumped” with Bambi. As they boogied back to back, Dave realizes that if he moves too quick Bambi is gonna end up on the floor. When he finally maneuvers to get away, Dave feels an arm come over his shoulder as Bambi tires to keep him on the dance floor. Dave does a spin move and catapults himself back to the safe haven of the stage (Glad to get back with his life intact).

Later during a break, Bambi helped herself to a microphone. At this point, Dave went up on stage and said enough is enough. Later Bambi would try to get a whole sentence out to explain that she want’s us to sing “Bappy Hirthday.” Later John witnesses as Bambi’s female traveling partner bites her tit on the dance floor. The owner explains that things were getting a little overheated in the parking lot.

The band has a blast, but without a sound check, they don’t sound as sharp as usual out front. Chucky works out the bugs, but the stage volume is too loud and again, the monitors are almost useless. Dave has an extremely hard time hearing his backup vocals. When he does hear them, they’re pretty rough. The band performs 3 new songs. These were My Maria, Daddy’s Money, and On a Good Night (show opener).

Saturday has the band moving the board to a new spot. In the process, the band’s sound clears up and it sounds awesome! The band turns down their stage volume, and the monitors are heard loud and clear. Unfortunately, it’s sweetest day, and the crowd is beyond shy. The band is treated to the pleasure of asking someone to turn off the jukebox. Dave tries to get a giggle by insinuating that Madonna has a venereal disease and that’s why she had a cesarean delivery of her child (he refrains from making a joke about finding missing super bowl rings). Unfortunately Ernie the DJ is short on CD’s and asks the band to play a little longer sets. Hmm... the band enters the lovely land of improvisation on stage. They pull off a version of Boot-Scootin' Boogie that must have lasted almost 10 minutes. Kevin was like a quarterback calling plays at the line of scrimmage. As he announces “Extended version” in the middle of Watermelon Crawl. The band pulls a few songs off the “Left-over” list, and realize why most of them are on the list in the first place (they suck). Dave accidentally cuts Ain’t nothin Wrong with the Radio in half as he puts the solo in the wrong place. However, in hindsight, this was probably a blessing.

The band can’t believe the dead quiet after each song. The band would hammer out the final chords of a song, end it with a thunderous crunch and then you would hear the chirping of crickets in the back corner of the bar.

Dave receives a job offer to join a band that is playing out 2 times a month. I think they were called Southern Exposure or something. Anyway, he takes the guy’s number just to be polite. He has no intention of leaving the band.

During one break Dave accidentally steps in a puddle of drool that has formed around the soundboard as Chucky has his eye on a lovely brunette. As a slow song starts, Dave prods Chucky to “go for it,” and sure enough Chuck shoots and scores. Unfortunately, Chucky was too busy to running sound to apply the needed pressure to court this fine vixen, and she ended up sitting by another guy. Chucky definitely gets an “A” for effort.

Even though the crowd was dead (they did come alive by the third set), the band has a lot of fun. The joy of making up a set list on stage is interesting to say the least. The band fields requests to play some songs twice, so they do. The band was even joined by the Ernie the DJ for If Tomorrow Never Comes. Ernie wasn’t bad at all, and puts a lot of emotion into his singing. The band is hounded to do some Lynard Skynard both nights and asks a patron what song they should do. He answers “Sweet Home Alabama.” He also wants to hear Mountain Music by the group ALABAMA. In all, it was a pretty fun gig. As John put it, “I had very low expectations coming in, and left very glad we did the gig.”

October 23: Operation Steel Your Keyboard Player

Dave calls the guy from the band Southern Heart. Here’s the scoop on them.

• They’ve been apart for a while and are now reforming ( a little different from the “we’re playing out twice a month” story at the bar).

• The lead singer is the drummer. They think you should bring your kids to practice.

• They play the Eagles, Seager, etc... (I’m sure they do Keep Your hands to Yourself by the Georgia Satellites).

Dave sets it up with Randy to come over and play this Sunday. Dave explains how Six Shooter is a tight band, and he will not be leaving unless the singer (Kevin) moves to Montana (a possibility). Randy says he doesn’t care. He just wants Dave to hear them. Dave figures, what can it hurt? While he’s there he may just mention how Six Shooter is looking for a keyboardist.

October 25: Kevin Quits

Dave calls Kevin to see about getting his amp for the Southern Heart tryout thing. Dave is explaining how he wants to go check an Akron bar called “The Shamrock.” In doing so, Kevin feels he must tell Dave something.

Kevin announces how lately things just haven’t been much “fun.” He explains the constant worries about equipment failure, the strain of screaming over a stage volume that could destroy any pigeons flying in close proximity of the speakers, the negative attitude of John during the latest gig, the tardiness of some of the band members, and a general lack of drive is making the band situation a poor return on investment. Playing on stage is fun, but that’s about the only thing that is anymore.

Dave interrupts as he has been played the fool with this speech before. Only this time Kevin is not pulling his leg. Kevin hates to do this over the phone, but he doesn’t want Dave pimping a singer-less band. Dave tries to use a salesman tactic to identify objections and asks, “If we fixed the sound system and worked on our stage volume (yata yata yata) would you stay? To this Kevin says “No, its just not fun.” According to the limited sales training Dave has received, this is supposed to reveal that their is another objection that has not been voiced. Hmmmmm....

While Dave will miss singing with Kevin. Dave tends to agree with many of Kevin’s points. The band has been a disappointment in some ways. We’ve never been too efficient in learning songs. It will be very strange to be in this band without Kevin. Dave doesn’t put too much effort in trying to talk Kevin out of his decision. Dave knows that Kevin wouldn’t say this without putting some thought into it.

Upon hanging up the phone Dave is not sure how to feel. He can’t be mad at Kevin. As a friend, Dave wouldn’t want Kevin to do something he no longer enjoyed. In a selfish way, Dave is not happy about being put in the situation of finding a replacement. It’s very strange. John and Dave had discussed this earlier in the week at lunch. Apparently ,John had picked up a vibe from Kevin. John announced that if Kevin ever left, he’d just call his buddy Dan (whom he explains is a real pain to work with at times) and form his old rock band. Dave isn’t really big on the idea. Without being an egomaniac, Dave feels he is talented enough to hold down the role of lead guitarist. Consequently, a band with Dan would probably not include Dave.

Kevin is going to wait to tell John, so Dave can’t call John and say “Holy shit Kevin quit!” Dave ponders the thought of joining a blues band (something he’s always wanted to front). Dave isn’t really worried. He’ll examine his options, and choose the best one.